introduction

my poems are made
of tubes
of crushed sleeping pills
and Ensure
ice water to be spit back up
'cause it can't be swallowed
of 3 different hospitals
and so many close to fainting spells
I stopped counting
these poems
made of fear
which should be classified
as a natural-occurring element
made of abandonment
when one parent's already gone
the other almost there
and a sibling starting his journey
made of helplessness
when you can't believe
he's not breathing anymore
of desperation
trying to replace one man
with a human who
thinks he's a man
that bitterness
you want to blame him for
but is your fault
when the walk
from the car
to the hospital room
is infinite
and you know the corners
of the building
like the smell of your father
which is transforming
into the smell of death
made of the misunderstanding
that is grief's language
when you tell them
to just be here now
when every poem is the same
because your thoughts
are the same
every second
ImissyouImissyouImissyou
when sometimes the path
to a smile
is merely silence
these poems
made of love
unspoken
but felt like a lightning flash
with a squeezed hand
two kids standing
over a bed
in a trauma center
where unreality lies
not able to breathe
made of hugs
that hurt your heart
listening to misdiagnosis
like it was sunday mass
and the ultrasound printout
is the prayer card
in your pocket
rather that the shadows
were a trick
of the organs
and not a tumor
blossoming like a mushroom cloud
these poems
cried out
in the shape of parents
who tried their best
and still observe the results
living here
in this place
shaped from the memories
of ghosts
late nite phone calls
that could be
a sleepless friend
or a last conversation
before the coma
before the collapse
of the life
that until the rains
was solid like earth
death certificates
that seem to multiply
like cells to cancer
like blood to burst
like words to poems